Ponder Over Thoughts: Human Communication

Once upon a time, I really enjoyed being left alone talking to myself or talking to my ancestral tablets. Please don’t misunderstand, I don’t have autism. It’s just one of my weird hobbies besides day dreaming. However, I have not been doing that often simply because life’s getting too busy.

I love my grandmother as much as she loved me even we cannot communicate well because she only speaks Hainan language while mine really sucks. After all, she passed away when I was 10. Ever since then, I will only get to visit her grave once a year. So, whenever I miss her, or I was being bullied or there’s things troubling my thoughts, I will sit in front of the ancestral tablets in my house and imagine myself talking to her.

Most of the time it sounds like this:

Grandma, I miss those days when I was little. I only want to be your centre of attraction not others. You know, I never like to be a leader in groups. I rather give up compliments from teachers and friends for being independent.
Grandma why people love to compare and compete? I don’t mind they exceed me or do better than me, and I don’t care whether they plagiaries my works or not.
I just want to be me, finish my works silently and ignore things that have no direct connections with me.
Oh grandma, sometimes I really wish that my existence will be neglected, so that people will not rely on me to do work for them just because they look high on me.
I just want to be a small potato if I can.
Dear grandma, I wish I can invisible, even once is enough. Please help me.

Typical reply from her:

Hey granddaughter, this is life. Stop bragging and complaining and move on for a solution.
You should always fight for yourself and your parents because they don’t feed you for nothing.
Stop being a useless little girl wasting their money and effort bringing you up.
You have to be brave, tough and honest but remember one thing- you are always my baby granddaughter. Your grandpa and I will be supporting you forever. So, go for your future, we will meet eventually when time comes.

I might sound stupid but hey, this has a scientific term- its call intrapersonal communication. It helps to make me what I am now, doing my best to ignore bad temptations, getting good grades and earning myself a living. For those who had been mean to me, listen to this.