You & Me

“eh eh, what type of boyfriend/ girlfriend are you looking for ?Why are you so picky? ”

“ what type of man/woman you like?”

These are all the common topics among friends when they are talking about relationship. Or I should say, these are the most discussed topic among GIRLS. *gossipppzzzz*  Girls always love to chat about LOVE issues as they are naturally ROMANTIC animals. Right Gurls??? Everyone has different opinion and requirements for their partners as everyone see things differently. Therefore, In this post, I am going to talk about the way one chooses their partners. 

First and foremost, PROXIMITY!!!!! Do you actually realize most people will choose people who are actually NEARER with them as their future boyfriend/girlfriend candidates? It is mainly because if two people are staying near to each other, they can reduce or avoid the hassle of travelling around just to meet up for dating. Or i should say, the BOYFRIEND will be easier as he does not need to drive all the way just to pick up the GIRLFRIEND. (save cost, save petrol, save energy) However, there are still a lot of exception whereby people prefer someone who stay far away from them. Their reason? They want to get out from the OLD place and community that they had already stayed for 20years, 30years or even longer. They need some fresh air from other places to live up their boring life. Some people even go for love across country or region!! How awesome is that right?? Long distance relationship is not easy as one needs to have strong determination and put more efforts to maintain the love. Besides, because of their “mighty" love, therefore we have some beautiful and cute mix children. (Do you agree that people with mix blood tend to be more good looking?) 

Second, Attractiveness!!!! What is the definition of attractive then? Sexy body, cute face? good personality?  Maybe this should be the no. 1 criteria instead of proximity. Appearance always comes first right?? People tend to be attracted by one’s appearance first before he or she continues to develop the feeling towards that person and eventually, build up relationship with that person. it is normal and common scenario to see that good looking people tend to start a relationship earlier than average looking people. Although people tend to emphasize on inner beauty, but do you really think you want to be together with someone who has  "face problem" when you actually have the qualifications to get a better looking people as your partner? at the same time, the society nowadays are pretty realistic, therefore,how you look still counts.

Similarity will be the next. Similarity covers a large scope and this is what helps to tie two person together and creates topics. For example, if two people study the same course in college, they can discuss and do revision together as both people understand the same knowledge. Beside, they will have the same group of friend as well and this is easier for them if there is any group outing. At least no one will feel left out. In addition, some people will go for someone who has the same hobby. For example, if the BOYFRIEND loves fishing but the GIRLFRIEND love partying, it is difficult for both people to accommodate each other's  need as they have totally different personality. Same theory apply to a pair of couple with different favorite food. If the BOYFRIEND cannot eat spicy food but the GIRLFRIEND cannot survive without chili, it is obvious that they will face difficulties when choosing restaurants.

However, there are still people who prefer to choose one who has completely different personality from him or her. Using the same example from the paragraph above, the BOYFRIEND who loves quiet (fishing as hobby)  might need a happening GIRLFRIEND (loves partying) to brighten up his dull life. The happening GIRLFRIEND is actually complementing his quiet personality.

In conclusion, everyone has different preference in their process of searching for their SOUL MATE. BUT, as the saying goes, LOVE IS BLIND!!! Most of the time, our current partner is totally different from what we have had imagined previously. If you imagine to have a tall boyfriend, you might end up having a short boyfriend. *this is what had actually happened to me..but try to think it in a good way, appearance comes second when you realize that HE really loves you. It is not easy to find someone who treats you just like a princess and really compatible with you right??*

 Good Luck in your journey to TRUE LOVE..Bon Voyage!!! 

                                                                                                  By Sue

Symmetrical Vs Complementary Relationship

According to the marriage experts, they said that have a deep knowledge and understanding the characteristics of your relationship type can add value to you and your partner relationship. Such understanding can help to bridging the bond between you and your partner.  Now, what type of relationship does you and your partner share? Is it a symmetrical relationship or is it a complementary relationship?

If you and your partner share a symmetrical type of relationship, it means that both of you perceived similar traits, characteristics, backgrounds, hobbies and other factors that are similar. Couples usually develop this type of relationship because they find out that they both felt that they are in the same boat as the other; the way you talk, the interest, the experiences etc. Both of you will then feel that ‘hey, we are a perfect match made in heaven’. Both of you will feel very comfortable being with one another as you perceive your partner as the same way you perceive yourself. Both of you are just the mirror of each other. Normally, when this happens, such similarities factors are vital in the process of developing mutuality.

Symmetrical Relationship

On the other hand, if you and your partner have different traits, characteristics, backgrounds, hobbies and other factors that are mostly opposite then you are having a complementary relationship. Couples usually develop this type of relationship because they felt that they provide balance to the other. For example, you are very good in planning but you are not good in organizing and executing plans. On the other hand, your boyfriend is very good in organizing and executing plans. Thus, your boyfriend provides a supplement or balance to your weaknesses. You felt that you and your partner are perfect matches as his opposite traits added advantages to your weaknesses and your weaknesses added advantages to him.

Complementary Relationship

Both symmetrical and complementary relationship however has both pros and cons.  By maximising the positive aspects help to maintain our relationship. For example, if you know that you and your partner shared a symmetrical type of relationship, then use the natural similarities between you and your partner to strengthen the relationship. On the other hand, if both you and your partner shared complementary relationship, then focus on the differences between both you and your partner to maintain the relationship.

*However, we do not only apply these types of relationships do not only apply in the ‘love’ relationship. We also apply it in our friendship as well as family members. Sometimes, we just love to be around with those who are similar or just the opposite of us. The most important thing is that we have to be truly ourselves no matter who we are with. We are unique in all ways. 

Steffi

The Great First Impression

“Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Since young, our parents always taught us not to judge someone based on their physical appearance. However, how many of us really do not judge others? We often judge others by the way they dress up themselves, the way they talk and etc. We CANNOT, NOT make a first impression. We form opinions about people through seeing and hearing. By hearing, it also helps us to form opinions about some whom we do not know. For example, if someone told you that the boy sitting next to you is a drug addict, will you be friend with him or will you keep a distance away from him in order to avoid unwanted circumstances?

Now, how can we create great first impressions of others towards us? People first judge us through physical appearance. Our appearances can tell others a thousand and one thing about us. For example, if you are fresh graduates and you are going for an interview, you have to make sure that you have to wear a darker colour or a blazer to add power to your position knowing that you are fresh grads. Besides, the way you posture yourself during an interview is also very important. Handshake with the interviewer is also very important. It is one of the key to successful interview. A firm handshake shows that you are confident of yourself.

Next, we can also create great first impressions through our body language. If you are meeting up someone for the very first time, always be ahead of time and never be late. This can help others to have a good impression on you. If you showed up on time, others know that you have excellent time management. Besides, always smile and greet others no matter to someone you known or even a stranger. A smile can bring a relationship closer. People will think that you are a very warm and friendly person.

Time Management

People always form their first impression about us when they meet us. The first impression of others towards us is very important as it determines the relationship between us and others. A good first impression towards us can help to create a good relationship with others. On the other hand, if people have a very bad first impression about you, that moment will be the first and last moment of your relationship with the others. First good impression about us can also determine the degree of likeness of others towards you. 

Steffi

Engaging in Active Listening

In our daily life, we often engage in active listening, without knowing that we actually engaging in it. For example, in supermarket, when the salesperson approach you a product and it attracts you. you then start to ask question regarding the product. In this situation, you have already involve yourself in active listening. Active listening always occur when we seek advice and information from others.

Listen for Meaning

Few weeks ago, my friend, an insurance agent from American International Assurance Berhad (AIA) came to me and told me about his new insurance plan which is called the Multiple Life Plan or known as the 36 Critical Illnesses Plan. All these while, I wanted to have coverage on 36 critical illnesses since I do not have any, so I told him to fix a time with me whereby we both can sit down and he can further explain the advantages of having this critical illnesses plan.

So, when the time came, he explained his plan to me. He told me that how good the plan is. He also did a comparison of his plan with other insurance company. Well, for me, when it comes to buying a life plan, I used to ask long-winded question just to ensure that I understand the product well. I have been asking many WH question, such as what do I need to do if I have been diagnosed with critical illnesses, how is the payment mode, how can I claim and etc. 

When I have understood the product well, he then asked me my feelings towards the plan. Was the plan that they offering good and so on. Most of the feedback I gave were positive as I think the product was pretty well designed and plan. In this situation, I have eventually engaged myself in active listening as I listen attentively to what he said. When I have a need or desire for the product, I started asking him lots of question to make sure that I fully understand what the product is all about. I also gave responses and feedback of the product. 

When engaging ourselves in active listening, we must always get ourselves interested and getting ourselves involve with what others trying to tell us. through responding and giving feedback, it also helps us to get involve in active listening. we have to pay attention and give fully focus on the messages  that others are trying to convey to us. besides, active listening also involve "question and answer" session to make sure that we truly understand what others are tying to tell us. Basically, active listening involve the following:

Steffi         

The Johari Window

This is a test we do in class recently- The Johari Window.

It actually helps me to know myself and my relationship with people around me better so I can determine how far and how deep that relationship can grow and develop in future.

First of all, think of ONE target person. (any person will do)

In the 'Open' column, fill in things you freely shared with that person.

eg: hometown, age or any secrets that you told that person

In the 'Blind' column, fill in things that you only realized after being told by that person.

eg: your appearance at that person's perception, your characteristics at that person's point of view

In the 'Hidden' column, fill in things that you know about yourself but that person does not know.

eg: you are an alcoholic, you smoke, you are easily offended

In the 'Unknown' column, fill in things that both you and the person does not know.

eg: you have a fatal disease and both of you don't know how long can you live,

Try filling up this window with a different target person,

 for example, family members, friends and acquaintances. 

You will realize that this window quadrants will expand and contract in different shapes depending on how deep the relationship you build with that person.

Have fun!

Rachel

Pseudo Listening

This is a new word that I learn recently in class and found myself as a pseudo listener.
Pseudo basically means false or not sincere. 
Therefore, a pseudo listener is people who is isn't listening properly due to distractions.
Thinking back it makes me feel guilty because most of the time I did pseudo listening when my mother is trying to talk with me, to understand me better. 
Although I always answer her uh huh, okay, en, yes, alright, sure etc. I wasn't paying attention at all because my focus is on my laptop or mobile phone. 
Putting myself in her shoes, I think I hurt her feelings when she once told me: 

You know, your laptop sees you more than I do.

Since watching my grandmother held her last breath in front of me, I realize that time flies really fast.
Thus, appreciating moments and time talking with my parents, understanding them, satisfying them is what I should do at the moment before regretting it when it's too late. 
My parents have spend half a life time raising me up and they have never pseudo listen to me at all, not even once. Whenever I need to talk, they will be there anytime, ready to listen.
After reflecting myself recently, I felt bad and sorry for neglecting them too often by pseudo listening.
This is a bad habit and I've made up my mind to do my best quitting it.

found this on tumblr

credits to allieD19

Rachel

I hear you but I'm not listening!

What is the difference between listening and hearing? Well in this class I have learnt that there are so many differences between listening and hearing. Do we notice sometimes when our mother start nagging because we always woke up late or did not know how to wash dishes and how to cook? Does it can we consider as listening or hearing over our mother’s nag? 

Listening is when we receiving the message and started to construct the meaning to give our responses through verbal or nonverbal. But for hearing, we only receive the message that being received to us but we did not construct any meaning and did not response to it. Anyways, most of us did not know that actually we have variety types of listening, active listening, empathic listening, critical listening and listening for enjoyment. The differences is where we listen with a purpose, listening with a purpose and attempting to understand the other person, listen with evaluating accuracy and listening for enjoyment to relax such as listening to music. During the lecture in class, which technique do we use?  

 In class lecture, students would use three types of listening, active listening, empathic listening and critical listening where we use to receive the message and keep it in our brain memory and start to response to it by understand what have been told to you. Other than that, for memory we have working memory, short-term memory and long-term memory. For working memory is where we interpret and assigns the meaning to the stimuli. For short-term memory, is when temporary storage happened, when the message received, we tend to forget it very easily. For long-term memory, is when the message revived is permanently in the storage space.

Sya